Eileen Love's
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| Update! Recently I've been so busy with cheerleading, dance and gym that I barely have time to sit in front of the computer to do anything. And I'm always getting ready to sleep by 10pm because I'm exhausted. ![]() With cheerleading, I feel a little upset that I'm not able to perform up to standard because of having lack of exercise for the entire three years that I'm in poly. One of the stunts that I have to do is to do a liberty (balancing on one feet) at the top of a guy's hand and mind you, it's no easy feat because I have to "lock" my legs and core area and I can't even lock it properly while I'm up in the air. Cheerleading is also probably the only time I wish I was shorter and skinnier like the other petite girls so that I might have an easier time getting the stunts done...and also, most of the guys would probably have an easier time balancing me on their hands lol That being said, I really have to work out harder to improve my core area and leg's strength by this week! I'm feeling slightly stressed by that though but I'm really hoping that I'm able to do it. Maybe I need to believe in myself more? Touching onto some self-esteem issue. Everyone likes compliment. It feels good to receive compliments too. But every once in a while, I'll feel inferior to other prettier girls. Sometimes I wonder, why aren't I as naturally pretty as them etc. because some girls are naturally pretty! There's also time where I feel like getting plastic surgery done to my face, especially jaw surgery and rhinoplasty. To be honest, I have been wanting rhinoplasty for a very long time! I want a sharp well defined nose and a slimmer face. The only problem is... I have a twin sister and if I were to permanently alter my facial features...we won't be twins anymore, right? ): There's also days where I refuse to take any photos or go out of the house just because I think that I look ugly. And I would always avoid the camera whenever I see someone trying to take a photo because I know I would look horrible in it. Certain days (where I have full makeup on) I would think that I look good so I would post photos on instagram and take lots of photos. It's okay to feel horrible about yourself but I believe that seeing yourself in a negative light might be a mind-over-matter sort of thing. I live with my spectacles more often than my contact lens so whenever I'm wearing my specs, I'll be a nerdy, less glam version of myself so it's easier for me to feel inferior by other girls. I think I'm still trying to feel comfortable about my looks. I used to think that I would magically become prettier when I'm 19 years old because when I was younger, all the pretty girls were around 19. Now that I'm already over 19, I'm still the same lol Guess beauty doesn't really comes with age haha Only thing age did to me was giving me more experience to figure out the right angles to make myself look chio in photos. So today is my birthday (yay to finally hitting the 20s) and I had an amazing time today. To be honest I'm really glad that I joined Science RAG'33 because I've met so many amazing people so far and they showed me what "friends" really mean! I've always been one of those people in school that chips in for other people's birthday cake but never got one for myself lol Don't you just hate being that person too?! Like I felt cheated haha So when I got a surprise cake during cheer training yesterday, I literally just started crying since I was super touched and shocked because we only knew each other for a few weeks! So far this year has been truly wonderful and I hope it would continue to be like this! By the way, B got me a pink Clarisonic mia 2 for my birthday present this year too!! Mega love! Looking forward to watching The Phantom of the Opera at MBS :D |